Dirty Harry
by Cellobrate
Summary: I took different sentences from The Order of the Phoenix and put in blanks to make it sound dirty, depending on your mind. Test your perverted mind!


I did this today out of pure boredom, the point is to test your dirty mind! I took quotes from Harry Potter V. None of them are actually dirty so if you think perverted things then shame on you! I saved the best one for last, so read it all! There is much more coming, don't worry!

This comes STRAIGHT FROM THE TEXT. I did not alter any words at all except to replace words or phrases with blanks!

1. "I'm escorting a visitor," said Mr. Weasley, gesturing towards Harry.

"Step over here," said the wizard in a bored voice.

Harry walked closer to him and the wizard held up a long golden _, thin and flexible as a car aerial, and passed it up and down Harry's _.

"Wand," grunted the security wizard at Harry, putting down the golden _ and holding out his _.

Harry produced his _. The wizard dropped it onto a strange brass instrument, which looked something like a set of _s with only one _. It began to vibrate. A narrow strip of _ came speeding out of a slit in the _. The wizard tore this off and read the writing upon it.

"Eleven inches, phoenix-feather core, been in use four years. That correct?"

"Yes," said Harry nervously.

2. And then, to see them surrounded by all those other happy faces... Benjy Fewick, who had been _ in bits, and Gideon Prewett, who had _ed like a hero, and the Longbottoms, who had been _ed into madness... all waving happily out of the photograph evermore, not knowing that they were _ed.

3. Professor McGonagall sat down behind her dest, watching Harry closely. Then she said, "Have a _, Potter."

"Have- what?"

"Have a _," she repeated impatiently, indicating a tartan tin of _s lying on top of one of the piles of papers on her desk. "And sit down."

There had been a previous occasion when Harry, expecting to be _ed by Professor McGonagall, had instead been _ed by her to the Gryffindor _ Team. He sank into a chair opposite her and helped himself to a _, feeling just as confused and wrongfooted as he had done on that occasion.

4. "That will do," she said and silence fell immediately. "Mr. Finnigan, kindly come here and hand back the homework- Miss Brown, please take this box of _- don't be silly, girl, they won't _ you- hand one to each student-"

"_Hem, hem,_" said Professor Umbridge, employing the same silly little cough she had used to _ Dumbledore on the first night of term. Professor McGonagall _ed her. Seamus handed back Harry's _; Harry took it without looking at him and saw, to his relief, that he had managed an A.

5. "That was really, really good, Harry," said Hermione, when finally it was just her, Harry, and Ron left.

"Yeah, it was!" said Ron enthusiastically, as they slipped out of the door and watched it melt back into stone behind them. "Did you see me _ Hermione, Harry?"

"Only once," said Hermione, stung. "I _ you loads more times than you got me-"

"I did not only _ you once, I _ you at least three times-"

"Well, if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own _ and knocked the _ out of my hand-"

They _ed all the way back to the common room, but Harry was not listening to them.

6. "But it wasn't an ordinary dream... it was real... I saw it happen..." He took a deep breath, "Ron's dad- Mr. Weasley- has been attacked by a giant _."

7. "I yelled until someone came running," said the wizard, who was mopping his brow on the curtain behind him, "said I'd heard something _ing downstairs- they weren't sure whether to believe me but went down to check- you know there are no portraits there to watch from. Anyway, they carried him up a few minutes later. He doesn't look good, he's covered in _, I ran along to Elfrida Cragg's portrait to get a good view as they left"

8. "I'll get to the point, then," said Sirius, standing up. He was rather taller than Snape who, Harry noticed, had balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over what Harry was sure was the handle of his _.

9. "You may use your _ to attempt to disarm me, or defend yourself in any way you can think of," said Snape.

"And what are you going to do?" Harry asked, eyeing Snape's _ apprehensively.

"I am about to break into your _," said Snape softly. "We are going to see how well you _. I have been told that you have already shown aptitude at _ing the _... you will find that similar powers are needed for this... Brace yourself, now... _Legilimens!"_

Snape had _ before Harry was ready, before Harry had even begun to summon any force of _; the office swam in front of his eyes and vanished, _ after _ was racing through his _ like a flickering _ so vivid it blinded him to his surroundings...

He was five, watching Dudley riding a new _, and his _ was bursting with _... He was nine, and Ripper the _ was _ing him up a tree and the Dursleys were _ing below on the lawn... He was sitting under the _, and it was telling him he would do well in _... Hermione was _ in the hospital wing, her face covered with thick _... A hundred _s were closing in on him beside the dark lake... Cho Chang was drawing nearer to him under the misletoe..."

10. "Mind you... when he _ed the fourteenth..."

He made wild motions with his arms as though doing an upright _.

11. "Let us begin," said Firenze. He swished his long _, raised his _ toward the leafy canopy overhead then lowered it slowly, and as he did so, the light in the room dimmed, so that they now seemed to be sitting in a forest clearing by twilight, and _s emerged upon the ceiling. There were oohs and gasps, and Ron said audibly, "Blimey!"

Second best:

12. Harry walked around the other pairs, trying to correct those who were doing the _ wrong. Ginny was teamed with Michael Corner; she was doing well, whereae Michael was either very bad or unwilling to _ her. Ernie Macmillan was flourishing his _ unnecessarily, giving his partner time to get in under his guard; the Creevey brothers were enthusiastic but erratic and mainly responsible for all the _s leaping off the shelves around them. Luna Lovegood was similarly patchy, sending Justin Finch-Fletchley's _ spinning out of his hand, at other times merely causing his _ to stand on end.

"Okay, stop!" Harry shouted. "Stop! STOP!"

I need a _, he thought, and immediately spotted one lying on the nearest row of books. He caught it up and blew hard. Everyone lowered their _s.

"That wasn't bad," said Harry," but there's definite room for improvement." Zacharias Smith glared at him. "Let's try again..."

He moved off around the room again, stopping here and there to make suggestions. Slowly the general performance improved. He avoided going near Cho and her friend for a while, but after walking twice around every other pair in the room he felt he could not ignore them any longer.

"Oh no," said Cho rather wildly as he approached. "Expelliarmious! I mean, Expellimellius! I- oh, sorry, Marietta!"

Her curly-haired friend's _ had caught fire; Marietta extinguished it with her own wand and glared at Harry as though it was his fault.

"You made me nervous, I was doing it all right until then!"

And finally, the mother of all!

13.

His _ felt smooth, powerful, and flexible. He was gliding between shining metal bars, across cold, dark stone... He was flat against the floor, sliding along his _... It was dark, yet he could see _s around him shimmering in strange, vibrant colors... He was turning his head... at first glance, the corridor was empty... but no... a man was sitting on the floor ahead, his _ drooping onto his _, his _ gleaming in the dark...

Harry out out his tongue... He tasted the man's _ on the air... He was alive but drowsing... sitting in front of a door at the end of the corridor...

Harry longed to bite the man... but he must master the impulse... he had more important work to do...

But the man was _ing... a silvery _ fell from his legs as he jumped to his feet; and Harry saw his vibrant, blurred _ towering above him, saw a _ withdrawn from a belt... He had no choice... He reared high from the floor and _ once, twice, three times, plunging his _ deeply into the man's _, feeling his _s splinter beneath his _, feeling the warm gush of _...

The man was yelling in pain... then he fell silent... He slumped backwards against the wall... _ was splattering onto the floor...

His _ hurt terribly... It was aching fit to burst...

"Harry! HARRY!"

He opened his eyes. Every inch of his body was covered in _; his bedcovers were twisted all around him like a straitjacket; he felt as though a white-hot poker was being applied to his _.

"Harry!"

Ron was standing over him looking extremely frightened. There were more _s at the foot of Harry's bed. He clutched his _ in his hands; the pain was blinding him... He rolled right over and vomited over the edge of the mattress.


End file.
